


it's too late

by krthummel



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Faberry, Fluff, Klaine, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Yearning, kelliot, samcedes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:35:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24507016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krthummel/pseuds/krthummel
Summary: Blaine feels as those Kurt is slipping away from him, living a whole life separate from the life Blaine and him lived together, Kurt is a whirlwind and Blaine just hopes he can keep up.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 11
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Blaine settles himself onto the couch for the third time in a row this week. He is absent-mindedly stuffing chips into his mouth, as he flicks through his Netflix recommendations, searching for something to occupy his mind for another night. He settles for a light-hearted comedy, nothing too deep, nothing romantic, something light and breezy, because if it’s not he will not be able to stop himself from thinking about Kurt.

Kurt, living out his dream in New York, attending his dream school, interning at Vogue, hanging out with all his new friends; who are cultured, interesting and talented and have definitely not spent every night this week eating chips and watching tv alone in a small apartment in Lima, Ohio. Blaine can’t help but feel that he’s being left behind by Kurt, God he’s so proud of everything he’s achieved, but a part of Blaine wishes he could have been there by Kurt’s side every step of the way. 

He flicks his phone on and scrolls down his news feed, met with photos of Kurt and a group of faces Blaine still has yet to meet. New York Kurt feels different to Lima Kurt, Blaine loves that New York Kurt is happier and more confident than ever before, but at the same time he can’t help but miss the quiet nights they had together in Lima, cuddled on the couch, the endless meals at Breadstix, quiet walks along the empty streets. Blaine feels as those Kurt is slipping away from him, living a whole life separate from the life Blaine and him lived together, Kurt is a whirlwind and Blaine just hopes he can keep up. 

Before his thoughts can spiral any further, the apartment door bursts open and Sam walks in accompanied by Rachel. Blaine jumps up off of the couch, wiping chip crumbs off of his sweater and rushes to greet her at the door, smiling, a big smile, ‘Rachel!’ ‘oh my God it is so great to see you.’ Blaine glances over Rachel’s shoulder to see if there is anyone else with her. ‘He’s not with me um it’s Elliot’s birthday and Kurt’s in charge of organising the celebrations, so you know,’ Rachel trails off looking sympathetically at Blaine. His smile drops a little but he recomposes himself and forces another smile, hoping no one caught his moment of sadness. ‘Well I’m sure he’s very busy,’ he pauses looking awkwardly at his own feet, he hates that Rachel and Sam feel sorry for him. ‘What brings you to Lima?” Blaine asks. “Just visiting my dads and you guys silly, I’ve missed you” Rachel laughs and walks into the apartment, she looks disapprovingly at the chip crumbs and blankets on the couch, ‘hope I’m not interrupting anything,’ she gestures to where Blaine had been sitting alone.

“Definitely not,” Sam chuckles, “we need you here to help me drag him off of this damn couch’, Blaine rolls his eyes at Sam but he knows he’s right.  
“Well thank god I’m here then, Breadstix?’ Rachel grinned. It’s not that Blaine hadn’t wanted to go out, he just hadn’t wanted to without Kurt, but deep down he knew he needed a life aside from just Kurt. To him, Kurt was his life and sometimes he wished he wasn’t so clingy. “Sounds good, let me just shower and change,” Blaine said, not wanting to disappoint any of them. Sam pumped his fist in the air and cheered, mouthing a thank you to Rachel as Blaine left the room, pretending not to notice. 

Blaine’s stood in front of the mirror gently styling his hair to rid himself of his natural curls when he catches Kurt’s name being spoken quietly in the lounge. He’s not sure if he should be listening, but he can’t help himself. “Kurt’s doing good, really good,” Blaine smiles at himself in the mirror at the thought of his boyfriend. “He doesn’t mention him too much” Rachel continues her voice going quieter, meaning that Blaine has to move a little closer to the bathroom door to catch what she is saying, ‘of course he misses him, I know he does, but he’s got this whole new life for himself out there, so busy all the time.” Blaine hears Rachel sigh. “I think they need to see each other, and soon”. Before either Rachel or Sam can say anything else, Blaine appears in the bathroom doorway once again forcing a smile to diminish any awkward tension in the room.

“Blaine I wanna know how you’ve been, what you’ve been up to.” Rachel is sat opposite Blaine, leaning forward to show him that he has her undivided attention. Blaine laughs, reaching for a breadstick, “me? C’mon you’re the one living out your dream in New York, with Kurt,” Blaine doesn’t want to ask, he thinks he shouldn’t have to, he should be the first to know about his boyfriend’s life, not having to find out through others, but he can’t help himself, “how is he anyway?” Rachel catches Sam’s eyes before taking a deep breath. “Yeah he’s doing really good,” she pauses for a moment seeing the way the corners of Blaine’s mouth fall just a little and his eyes look down at the table, “he really misses you,’ she continues, hoping to amend the sadness Blaine is obviously masking. It doesn’t work. “Yeah I miss him too,” Blaine mumbles quietly. Sam hasn’t said much since they arrived, Rachel on the other side is the complete opposite, she won’t’ stop talking, but this time it’s not about her, she can’t stop asking Blaine questions about himself. It makes Blaine wonder if they’re trying to hide something from him. Instantly, his mind goes to the worst place.

_Oh God Kurt’s doesn’t love me anymore; he’s cheated on me. No. Kurt wouldn’t do that, would he?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Rachel unlocks the door to her Bushwick apartment, she’s greeted with the smell of pancakes. Sometimes she wonders what she would do if she didn’t live with Kurt, of course she can cook but Kurt’s cooking is probably the main reason she eats properly every day. Kurt is leant over the stove, nursing some pancake batter, he hasn’t noticed Rachel is home until she walks right up to him. “Rachel,” he squeals, reaching out to pull her into a quick hug, still holding a spatula. Kurt turns his attention back to the food, ‘how was home?’ he asks nonchalantly.

He’s not sure why he feels the need to make small talk, he’s just waiting for Rachel to bring up Blaine. God how is he doing, it’s been three months since they last actually saw each other and Kurt misses him more than anything. 

“Lima is fine.” Rachel sits down at the table, smirking at Kurt. He rolls his eyes.  
“Don’t make me ask.”  
“Ask what?” Rachel smiles, she loves how easily she is able to wind up Kurt.  
“How is he?” Kurt says, he hands Rachel a plate of pancakes and she smiles gratefully.   
“He’s not great Kurt,” Kurt pauses, he hadn’t expected to hear that. He’d expected to hear endless stories of Blaine and all those damn clubs he’s signed up for, stories about new friends and petty high school arguments, he wanted to hear that Blaine was getting all the solos at Glee club, lord knows he has the best voice out of everyone in that school.Kurt sits down next to Rachel with his own plate of pancakes, waiting for Rachel to expand on what she’d just said.  
“He really misses you-“  
“I miss him too,” Kurt interjects, as though it’s the most obvious thing ever.   
“It’s more than that” Rachel continues, “he needs you, you need to go see him.”  
“You know I can’t, my schedule is, it’s crazy right now.” Kurt leans back into his chair, staring blankly at the plate of food in front of him, he’s lost his appetite now.   
“Kurt you need to make time.”

Rachel gets up from the table, leaving Kurt to ponder over her words. Kurt feels bad. Of course he misses Blaine, he loves Blaine. But honestly, with joining a new school, a new job, new friends, he hadn’t had that much time to think about Blaine. It was alright at first, they video-called every evening, watched films online together, talked about their days, said I love you over and over again. Kurt was the first to miss a daily call, he’d been holding himself back from properly getting to know his peers, making sure he was home by 8pm every night to chat to Blaine for hours and Blaine had seemed fine about Kurt blowing him off that once, he needed to expand his social circle further than just his boyfriend, that’s what he’d said. But one missed call had led to several and soon their calls were becoming weekly, sometimes fortnightly. Kurt knew it was partially his fault. He reached into his pockets and dug out his phone.

_[2 unread messages, 1 missed call]_

_1 missed call from Blaine_

_Blaine: good morning lovely, you must still be sleeping x_

_Blaine: hope you have the best day <3_

Shit. Kurt had meant to reply to that a few hours ago when he first saw it. He’d gotten so bad with quick replies. He called Blaine’s number and tapped at the table impatiently waiting for an answer. Nothing. He checked the time, 11:36am. No wonder he wasn’t replying Blaine would be in class right now, that was something he didn't miss about McKinley, the relaxed and spread out schedules, though he never slept in for too long he loved being able to take his time getting ready in the morning.

He swiped over to his messages with Blaine and quickly typed something out.

_Kurt: sorry we keep missing each other, hope you’re having a good day B, love you x_

His phone buzzed instantly, Kurt smiled hoping to see a reply from Blaine.

_Elliot: meet at corner coffee before class??_

_Kurt: sure:)_

He knew Rachel was right, he needed to see Blaine, but Blaine would have to wait. There was just no time for him to be travelling to Ohio and back right now.

********

“Hey Elliot,” Kurt smiled and slipped onto the chair opposite Elliot, who passed him a coffee. “wow, you already know my order huh.” Elliot laughed as Kurt dug out his wallet but Elliot insisted it was on him, Kurt didn’t complain.

He’d met Elliot in his intro to musical theatre class, they’d been paired to work together on week one and clicked instantly. Elliot had complimented Kurt on his bold fashion sense and listened to him talk for hours about clothes, it was a refreshing change from back home, where if Kurt had begun a conversation about clothes he would have just been laughed at and called gay, as though it were a bad thing. Elliot seemed to actually care about what he had to say and Kurt liked that.

“You still on for this weekend?’ Elliot said.  
“Absolutely, I mean I can’t believe that you’ve not seen Moulin Rouge, honestly you need your gay card revoked immediately,” Kurt teased and Elliot laughed.   
“So is anyone going to be there,” Elliot asked.  
“Rachel might be around, why? God don’t tell me the others haven’t seen Moulin Rouge either,” Kurt whined and shook his head dramatically.   
“I’m sure they’ve all seen it.” Elliot bit his lip and smiled at Kurt, his eyes trailing down Kurt’s face to focus on the other boy’s lips.  
Kurt blushed, he felt vulnerable when Elliot looked at him like this and he had to look away. “Well we better get to class,” Kurt mumbled, hoping Elliot didn’t sense his awkwardness. 

Kurt couldn’t seem to focus today, Rachel’s words replayed in his head, the seriousness of her tone, it made Kurt worry. “Kurt, Kurt,” Elliot said, breaking him away from his thoughts. “We’re supposed to be doing our movement exercises.”  
“Yeah, right, okay,” Kurt shook his head, moving opposite Elliot, to mirror his movements. “Are you okay? You seem a bit spaced out.”  
“Yeah I’m fine, it’s just Blaine,” Kurt sighed, he was relieved to have someone to talk to about this, especially someone who didn’t actually know Blaine, it made it easier. Elliot maintained eye contact with Kurt as he spoke, their hands mirroring each other perfectly in time, earning a smile from their teacher as he passed through the room.  
“He’s not doing so good apparently and we haven’t talked properly for a while and I’m worried about him, I’ve just been so busy with everything, I haven’t even called him for almost three weeks. It’s my fault really.” Kurt said, he could feel tears welling up in his eyes but he shook them away and recomposed himself.  
“Don’t blame yourself and if this Blaine is a decent guy I’m sure he doesn’t blame you, you’ve moved to a new state, started a new school, you’re busy, that’s no one’s fault.”  
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” Kurt pushed the thought from his mind, diverting his attention back to the class. He didn’t want to think about Blaine right now, not when there wasn’t anything he could do to help him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Blaine checks his phone the minute the bell goes to signal end of class, he was never one to be on his phone in the middle of a lesson. 

_[2 missed texts, 1 missed call]_

_1 missed call from Kurt_

_Kurt: sorry we keep missing each other, hope you’re having a good day B, love you x_

Blaine mustered a small sad smile, they’ve been missing each other’s calls for almost 3 weeks now, he knew that Kurt was in movement class round about now and that there was no point calling until tonight, and even then, Kurt would probably be busy, he usually was.

Blaine quickly flicks through his other notifications.

_Rachel: Blaine!! You should come visit this weekend x_

He stared blankly down at the text, surely Kurt wouldn’t be free and if he was why hadn’t he told Blaine first. He admitted he did want to see Kurt, he needed to.

_Blaine: did Kurt mention something? I would love to:)_

_Rachel: No but I was thinking it could be a surprise for him!x ___

__Blaine made his way to the cafeteria, it was loud and gave him a headache, he briefly considered just turning around and skipping lunch for today, but before he had the chance Sam came running up behind him, almost knocking him over. “Blainee, heard I have the apartment to myself this weekend.” Blaine stared at him, puzzled, he’d barely just agreed to going to New York. “Rachel told me she invited you,” Sam said, reading Blaine’s expression. “I honestly think this will be good for you,” he continued, grabbing two trays of tater tots and handing one to Blaine._ _

__They sat down at an empty table, but were quickly joined by some of Sam’s friends. Blaine supposed they were technically his friends too but it didn’t always feel like it. Blaine’s mind drifted off to thoughts of Kurt, he was undoubtedly nervous. He wasn’t sure why, he loved surprising Kurt with thoughtful gestures, and what was more thoughtful than travelling all the way to New York just to spend the weekend with the love of his life._ _

__****  
Rachel had been weird with Kurt this evening, not necessarily a bad weird, she had been giggling to herself before announcing she was staying the night at a friend’s. Kurt wasn’t stupid, he knew she was up to something. Nevertheless, he didn’t let it bother him and started arranging fleeces and cushions on the sofa. Kurt was just pouring popcorn curnals into a bowl when he heard a knock at the door, ‘Elliot, come in, it’s open,’ Kurt shouted from the kitchen, when he didn’t get an answer he turned around._ _

__“Blaine.” Kurt stared breathlessly._ _

__“OHMYGOD BLAINE,” Kurt was practically squealing now and ran towards the other boy, who still stood motionless in the doorway, a bouquet of roses in his arms. Kurt pulled him into a tight hug, his hand cradling the back of Blaine’s head. Blaine instinctively wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist and pulled him close. Blaine can’t help the tears that stream down his face and he buries his head into Kurt’s shoulder. They break apart and Kurt looks at him concerned, “are you alright, what’s wrong?” He reaches out and wipes the tears from Blaine’s face. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong Kurt, I, I just really missed you,” Blaine laughs at himself for crying and pulls Kurt close to him again before he can ask anymore questions.  
“I missed you too,” Kurt beams and kisses him, Blaine kisses him back. It was a passionate kiss, but more than anything it was long overdue._ _

__“Hey, Kurt?” A voice came from behind them, making them both jump a little. Kurt pulled apart from Blaine, “oh Elliot, hi,” Elliot smiled uneasily, eyeing Blaine. “Hi, I’m Elliot, you must be Blaine. I’ve heard lots about you,” he offered out his hand and Blaine shook it awkwardly. “Um should I leave?” Elliot asks looking at Kurt, “I didn’t realise we’d have company.”  
“No, me either, Blaine just came all the way out here to surprise me, isn’t that great,” Kurt smiled at Blaine, who looked taken aback by Elliot’s presence. “You should stay, we can all watch moulin rouge, this is perfect,” Kurt grinned. Blaine hopes that Elliot will offer to leave again, he wishes Kurt was sometimes less polite and would just ask him to leave. “Yeah that’d be great,” Elliot says as he makes himself comfortable on the couch. Blaine makes sure to sit the other end of couch, leaving a space for Kurt in the middle._ _

__Kurt’s eyes flicker between the two boys, for some reason it’s weird seeing them both sat together. Before he can consider it any longer, he smells something from the kitchen, “oh shit, the popcorn,” Kurt mutters, with all the excitement he had completely forgotten.  
Elliot looks over at Kurt and laughs, “oh of course you couldn’t just get microwave popcorn. He loves to cook.” Elliot looks at Blaine as he talks, “yeah, I know,” Blaine says. He doesn’t like this guy’s attitude. Blaine likes most people, but not him. He thinks he envies Elliot for all the time he’s gotten to spend with Kurt, he probably knows the New York Kurt better than Blaine and that makes him sad. _ _

__Kurt joins them both on the couch, he is clutching a bowl of crispy popcorn, it was the most he could salvage from the burnt pan. He waits for a moment for Blaine to offer his arm out so he can cuddle into him, but he doesn’t. Kurt wonders if it is because Elliot is here, who is clearly paying more attention to him and Blaine than the film. Kurt doesn’t care, he wishes Blaine didn’t either, he puts his own arm out and Blaine hesitantly leans into him. It’s awkward._ _

___God, why is it awkward?_ _ _

__Kurt knows something is up, this isn’t like Blaine. No, Blaine likes to cuddle on the sofa, he likes to spend more time looking at Kurt than watching anything on TV, but now his eyes are deadly focused on the screen, he hasn’t looked up at Kurt once, who’s desperately trying to catch his eye. They settle into the film as Kurt runs his hand through Blaine’s hair, he wishes he wouldn’t use so much hair gel, his natural curls are adorable._ _

___Seasons may change, winter to spring_   
_But I love you until the end of time_   
_Come what may_   
_Come what may_   
_I will love you until my dying day_ _ _

__“This is our song,” Kurt announces and sits up quickly, shaking Blaine’s shoulder and grinning excitedly, he is oblivious to the cold look plastered across Elliot’s face. Blaine shoots Kurt a weak smile. He is trying so hard to hold himself together, but there’s something about the way Kurt is acting like nothing is wrong that hurts him, like their relationship isn’t being held together by a tiny thread that could snap at any moment. A tear spills down Blaine’s cheek and soon enough he is quietly crying into Kurt’s shoulder, his body shakes a little. Kurt looks at him, completely bewildered._ _

__Kurt’s own eyes begin to well up at the site of Blaine, he takes a sharp breath, he is not going to cry, not with Elliot here too. He glances over at Elliot, his eyes are fixated on the screen, but Kurt thinks he must have already noticed Blaine crying and probably just feels uncomfortable. Kurt can’t blame him, even he feels awkward now._ _

__Blaine sits in silence as the credits roll, he is looking down at his hands in his lap as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. Elliot is desperately trying to make conversation but to no avail, both boys are too caught up in their own thoughts. “I should probably get going,” Elliot says. He’s not oblivious to the tension in the room and he can tell he has outstayed his welcome, they clearly need some time alone. Kurt smiles sadly, he is grateful to have a friend as understanding as Elliot. “It was nice to meet you Blaine,” Elliot says. Blaine smiles at him weakly, “you too.” Before he leaves, Elliot turns to look at Kurt, “see you Monday, yeah?” His eyes are looking into Kurt’s, he wants to say something more, he wants to check Kurt is going to be okay. Kurt nods quickly, “yeah, see you then.”_ _

__Kurt waits a minute after Elliot leaves before turning to face Blaine, “what’s wrong?”_ _

__Blaine wipes at his eyes, he doesn’t quite know what to say. How is he supposed to tell Kurt what’s wrong when he doesn’t even know himself? “I- I don’t know,” Blaine says._ _

__“I need a drink,” Kurt sighs and goes to the kitchen. Blaine watches Kurt curiously, as he bashes around the kitchen, taking his frustration out on the mixer in his hand. Blaine catches Kurt’s eye and for a moment Blaine thinks he’s about to cry. Kurt barely ever cries. He has to look away from Blaine, he runs his hands through his hair, frustrated. “Since when do you randomly drink?” Blaine asks. Kurt is quiet for a moment, uncertain of what to say. “Since my boyfriend started hiding things from me”, he puts the mixer down on the side, resting his hand against the table and starts to cry. He is trying to choke back sobs but he can’t stop himself. Blaine rushes over to the kitchen and pulls Kurt away from the counter, wrapping himself around the other boy. Kurt squeezes Blaine tightly, afraid that when he let’s go, he’ll lose him. “I don’t understand,” Blaine mumbles, his hand running up and down Kurt’s back trying to soothe him. “I’m not hiding anything from you,” Blaine continues. Kurt takes a step back and looks at him, he almost wants to laugh. “Blaine I’m not an idiot. You have been off with me since you got here.” Blaine knows he’s right, but this isn’t about him and Kurt, this is about him. These are his problems to fix. “I’m going to ask you something Blaine,” Kurt pauses to wipe away the tears forming in his eyes, “and I need you to answer me honestly.” Blaine nods, his heart pounding so loudly in his chest that he is certain Kurt must be able to hear it._ _

__“Have you cheated?”  
“Have I cheated? Have I cheated, are you kidding me? I have spent every day since you’ve moved here missing you like crazy and you’re going to stand here and ask me if I’ve cheated on you Kurt. Do you really think that little of me?”  
“Blaine-“ Kurt starts but Blaine interrupts before he can get any words out.   
“I mean what about you and Elliot.” Blaine says.   
“What?” Kurt stammers.  
“Well he’s clearly into you and you seem to have more time for him than me.” The words come out of Blaine’s mouth harsher than intended.   
“Blaine come on, there’s nothing going on between us, trust me.” Kurt folds his arms together, he doesn’t want Blaine to see that his hands are shaking.   
“Why should I trust you when you can’t trust me?”, Blaine trails off.   
Both boys go quiet now. Kurt slumps onto a chair, looking a little defeated. He thinks he knows what’s coming next, after an argument like this there seems to be only one obvious direction to go in. _ _

__The thought crushes his heart, he feels sick._ _

__Kurt desperately tries to steady his breathing as Blaine slides into a seat next to him. He’s not sure he’s ready to hear what Blaine has to say, he’s not sure that he’ll ever be ready.  
“Not much of a relationship with no trust,” Blaine whispers, mostly to himself. Kurt looks at him, the hurt in his eyes is apparent.   
“Do you still want this?” Blaine asks, gesturing between himself and Kurt.   
“Do you still want me?” Blaine looks at Kurt. He can’t quite believe what he’s just said, but he knows he had to say it. Kurt looks at Blaine, he really looks at him.   
“Not like this”. Kurt says._ _


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Blaine doesn’t wake until he hears the apartment door being shut. He hasn’t slept well and it wasn’t just because of how uncomfortable the sofa was. Blaine has drifted in and out of sleep all night, it hurt more than anything to feel this alone when Kurt was just in the next room over. Blaine had considered going in and apologising several times throughout the night, just so he could feel Kurt’s warm embrace, but it wasn’t that simple. This had been the biggest argument they’d ever had and Blaine knew it wouldn’t be easy to fix.  
Blaine opens his eyes a little to see what’s happening, Rachel is tiptoeing around the apartment, trying, but failing to be quiet. Blaine quickly shuts his eyes tight, he doesn’t want Rachel to know he is awake, this is already embarrassing enough as it is. He hears Kurt’s unmistakable footsteps enter the room. “Kurt, what’s going on?” Rachel whispers. Blaine is mortified and if it wasn’t for the fact that he was pretending to be asleep, he would probably cry right now. “Did you break up?” She says in a louder whisper now, getting impatient. “I don’t think so” Kurt mumbles. “You don’t think so?” Rachel trails off, “what is he doing on our couch”.  
“We had a fight”, Kurt shrugs. He tries so desperately to keep his cool, he is not going to cry in front of Rachel right now, but that’s all he wants to do. Kurt isn’t sure if they can make this long-distance thing work. Everyone had warned him long-distant relationships, especially when you’re young, never worked, Kurt had been so certain he and Blaine would prove them all wrong, defy the odds that were heavily stacked against them. But now he isn’t so certain, it’s just too hard.  
“Listen, I’m going to get some coffees, if Blaine wakes tell him where I am.” Kurt said as he reached for his coat, Rachel just nods, she can’t believe what’s happening. _Why is Kurt so calm._

The harsh October cold makes Kurt’s cheeks turn red and his nose too. He wraps his coat tighter around him and rubs his hands together for some sort of warmth as he waits for the stop sign to turn green. Despite being up early, he’s tired today. He had been excited at the thought of spending the night with Blaine, it was always so much easier to get to sleep in his arms. But listening to his soft snores from the couch was so painful, Kurt would have rather he’d just left and gone home that night, but he knew he couldn’t do that to Blaine. Tears fill his eyes. Kurt knows what’s inevitably going to happen when he returns back to the apartment. The way he sees it him and Blaine have two options, either they press pause on this whole thing until Blaine graduates and they can move in together or they break up. The thought of pressing pause scares Kurt. Blaine isn’t exactly unattractive, he can have and guy he wants and Kurt worries that if they pause, Blaine may never want to press play again. He doesn’t even want to think about losing Blaine. 

***  
Blaine waits a moment after he hears Kurt leave before slowly opening his eyes, trying his best to act as though he’s just woken up. Rachel smiles at him and gestures for him to move his legs so she can sit down next to him. “Are you okay?” She says. “Kurt told me you had a fight; he’s just getting coffee so he’ll be gone for a bit.” Blaine nods, he feels as though he has a lump in his throat. He’s trying so hard to hold back his emotions, but the reality of the situation dawns on him and his eyes fill with tears. Rachel shifts closer and puts an arm around Blaine, squeezing his shoulder. “God I’m so sorry I’m so stupid, this was supposed to be a nice surprise and now-“ Blaine pauses for a second, “I just feel so pathetic.” He buries his head in his hands, trying to stifle the cries. “You’re not pathetic, I’m sorry for even suggesting you come up here, I had no idea any of this would happen,” Rachel said.  
“It’s fine, it’s not your fault,” Blaine replied. He stands up, mostly to be free of Rachel’s grip, he doesn’t want her sympathy right now. The only thing he wants is Kurt, the Kurt he knew before New York, before all this happened.  
“Do you think you’re going to break up?” Rachel asks, Blaine is pacing back and forth in front of her, tugging nervously at his curls, which are poking out in every direction from his restless night’s sleep. “I honestly don’t know,” he mumbles. “I think that’s what Kurt wants.” The words hurt him to say out loud, they’re words he’s been thinking about for a while but suddenly saying them out loud to someone makes it so real. The tears continue to stream down Blaine’s cheeks, but he ignores them, occasionally wiping at his face. Rachel stares at him, helpless. “Kurt loves you” she says after a while. Blaine stops pacing and looks at her, “he hasn’t been doing the best job at showing it,” he replies. Rachel walks over to where Blaine is standing, she pulls him in for a quick hug, “I’m going to make myself scarce, Kurt will be back soon,” Blaine nods appreciatively as they pull a part.  
“Blaine?”  
“Yes” he replies.  
“No matter what happens, you’re going to be okay.”  
Blaine wishes he could believe her. 

He watches her leave and takes a deep breath before getting dressed, he puts on one of his favourite sweaters, and desperately tries to flatten down his curls but to no avail. It will have to do, Kurt will be back any second. He looks around at the apartment and really takes it in, he’s not sure how long it will be until he’s next here, but something tells him it won’t be for a long time. He smiles at the photo next to Kurt’s bed, one of him and Kurt. He runs his hand across the rail of Kurt’s clothes, his fashion sense has really matured since he moved to New York. Blaine sometimes envies how good Kurt looks, he loves his comfy sweaters and colourful bow ties, but Kurt always knows how to look good. He perches on the end of Kurt’s perfectly made bed and waits. 

When Kurt comes in through the door, he’s clutching two coffee cups, Blaine tries to ignore how cute he looks. His face is red from the cold and if it had been any other day Blaine would have pulled him into his arms and kissed him. Kurt walks over and sits next to Blaine handing him the latte, now he’s closer Blaine can see his eyes are red and puffy, he’s been crying too. “Thank you,” Blaine mumbles, taking a sip of the drink. Kurt takes a sip of his own drink before turning his body so he is facing Blaine.  
“Are we about to break up?” Blaine almost whispers it and Kurt wonders if he even meant to say it out loud.  
“I don’t know, do you want to?” Kurt asks.  
“No, do you?” Blaine says.  
“No.” Kurt agrees.  
The two boys sit in silence for a moment longer, each wondering what to say next.  
“But this isn’t working,” Kurt finally says. “I thought it was, but clearly not. You’re upset and not able to speak to me and I keep missing your calls and texts. For this to work we need to be together, more than we are able to at the moment.”  
“I can’t leave McKinley, not until I’ve graduated” Blaine replies.  
“I’m not asking you to.” Kurt takes a deep breath, Blaine watches him uneasily, he can see Kurt’s hand shaking and he puts his own hand on top to steady him. Kurt manages a small smile in return. “I think we should press pause on us” Kurt says. He’s searching Blaine’s eyes, trying to gauge his response. “Pause?” Blaine asks.  
“Just until you graduate and then you can move up here and we can live together.”  
Blaine’s takes a deep breath, that’s not as bad as he thought. He has to admire Kurt’s knack for problem solving. But then a thought crosses Blaine’s mind and his heart starts to race, “can we, you know, see other people?” he asks. Kurt looks hurt by the question; he hadn’t really taken it into consideration. “I guess so,” he replies. Blaine nods and looks down at his lap. He can’t help but wonder if he’s going to lose Kurt to Elliot or someone else, there’s so many more out people in New York compared to Lima and any man would be lucky to have Kurt. “So effectively we’re breaking up.” Blaine says, the words linger in the room for a while, Kurt pulls his hand away from Blaine and clutches it himself. “But come summer if we still want to be together-“ Kurt replies and Blaine nods.

 _Only eight months until summer_ , Blaine thinks to himself.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight sexual content warning.

**Chapter 5**  
It’s been a month since Kurt and Blaine broke up. Kurt doesn’t want to move on, not if there’s a chance for them in the future, Blaine is his soulmate. That being said, he’s doing better now he has no ‘boyfriend’ obligation to fill, no longer held back by the guilt he’d once had when he had been too busy to spend time with Blaine. He still misses him though, more than anything.

Rachel had been down to Lima a few times since the breakup, she always offers Kurt to come with her but he politely declines, he hasn’t seen Blaine since they broke up, they’ve shared a few polite texts, mostly to prove to themselves they can remain friends until Blaine graduates, but Kurt worries seeing him will bring all those emotions flooding back and he might not be able to control himself. Rachel always gives Kurt an update on Blaine, though he never asks for it. _He’s actually doing really well Kurt. He seems happy. He even went on a date last week._

Kurt is truly happy that Blaine is happy, but he can’t help the pang of jealously he feels when Rachel mentions him dating other people. He knows he has no right to be jealous, but every potential relationship that’s come his way he’s turned down, out of respect for himself and the suitor, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone when he still feels this strongly about Blaine. Kurt hopes Blaine stills feels the same about him, if all their love has fizzled away in only a month, they don’t stand a chance of getting back together by the time Blaine has graduated.

“Elliot” Kurt calls and gives him a little wave so he can see him. He’s sat at their usual table in the back corner of Kurt’s local coffee shop. It’s not exactly local for Elliot, he has to ride the subway for fifteen minutes just to get here, Kurt’s offered to try a different coffee shop closer to him but Elliot always insists that he’s happy to travel. “Hi,” Elliot grins. He leans down and gives Kurt a quick hug. Kurt pretends not to notice the dark crimson colour that creeps onto the other boy’s cheek as he pulls away. Blaine had been right about Elliot. He definitely has a crush on Kurt. Kurt sort of likes the attention, the feeling of being wanted, he wasn’t used to having a boy chase after him, with the exception of Blaine of course. Whilst he never initiated anything with Elliot he wasn’t opposed to the occasional cuddle on movie night and occasionally when Elliot would work up the courage to put his arm around him, Kurt wouldn’t move away. He felt bad about it, clearly Elliot was in deeper than him but the affection was nice. Elliot had been there for him when he and Blaine had broken up, a lot of people had reached out to Kurt but not in the same way Elliot did. 

“So, I’m thinking of travelling home next weekend” Kurt begins, Elliot looks down at the table. “I know you had tickets for that band but I’m sure some of the others would love to see it. I am sorry, McKinley are putting on this show and I haven’t been back there since – and I just feel I need to support them.”  
“Support Blaine?” Elliot asks, his eyes narrowing as he looks at Kurt.   
“Well yeah and everyone else of course.” Elliot nods. It hurt to like someone who was so blindly in love with another person. Sometimes when he’d catch Kurt off guard, he thought that just maybe he liked him too, but even if there were any feelings between the pair there was clearly so much more between Kurt and Blaine. “What day are you going?” Elliot said.  
“Saturday morning.” Elliot shifted in his seat, nervously. “What is it?” Kurt asked.   
“Let’s do something Friday” Elliot said.  
“Okay, we can-“ Kurt was about to suggest inviting Rachel and Santana who’d recently started couch surfing at their apartment, Elliot seemed to read his thoughts.  
“Just me and you, a date.” Elliot finally said. Kurt chewed his lip, a date. He didn’t dislike Elliot, he was undoubtedly good looking, funny, kind and generous.   
“I know this thing between you and Blaine isn’t completely in the past, but I think this could be good for you. For us.”   
“I don’t know,” Kurt begins.  
“It can be really chill just order in and watch a move or something, nothing needs to happen Kurt.”  
“Sure, what the hell.”  
“Great, meet me at my place, seven?” Elliot grins and before Kurt can say anything more, he leans over to him and plants a kiss on his cheek before waving goodbye and leaving Kurt to mull over his own thoughts by himself. 

_This is good. This is healthy. Blaine’s been seeing other people, so why shouldn’t I? It’s just one date._

***

“Okay so everybody gets two tickets each for family or friends, if you want anymore you can purchase them from the office” Mr Schuester announces. Blaine knows who he wants to invite, Kurt. Mostly as an excuse to see him again, it’s only been a month since he last saw Kurt but he really misses him and this would be good for their friendship. Blaine can’t think of anyone else he should invite; he doesn’t exactly have the closest relationship with his parents and his dad despises the fact that Blaine loves to sing and perform. He supposes he should probably invite Rachel too and someone should invite Santana. The thought of seeing everyone together again makes Blaine smile.

_Blaine: Hi Kurt, I’m sure you’ve heard McKinley are putting on a performance of Grease just this Saturday and I have two spare tickets if you and Rachel would like to come? No pressure tho:)_

_Kurt: I wouldn’t miss it x_  
_Will check with Rachel later:)_

Kurt replies quickly and Blaine can’t help but smile at the ‘x’ at the end of his sentence. He’s sure it probably doesn’t mean anything but it makes him smile all the same.  
“Who are you going to invite dude?” Sam asks, snapping Blaine out of his thoughts.   
“Oh I’ve just invited Rachel – and Kurt” Blaine says. Sam eyes him suspiciously.  
“Shouldn’t you be inviting Sebastian?” Sam asks, playfully nudging Blaine’s arm. Blaine hadn’t even thought to ask Sebastian, granted they’d only been out on a couple of dates but he did really like him. “Shit,” Blaine mutters. “Well Kurt’s already said yes and I imagine Rachel will too and it’s not like Sebastian will care about this.”   
“Whatever you say.” Sam smiles at him not noticing the panic on Blaine’s face, his thoughts have gone into overdrive. “So, I was thinking” Sam continues, “we could have a party at ours Saturday night, especially if we can get everyone back here.”   
“Sam, our apartment is way too small to host any sort of party,” Blaine sighs, “it’s not a bad idea though.” He thinks a party will definitely help lighten the mood and ease any sort of awkward tension between him and Kurt. “Rachel’s basement!” Sam shouts, as though he’s just made a ground breaking discovery. “I’ll call her, if she’s coming down, I’m sure we could all spend the night there.” Before Blaine can respond Sam is dialling her number, he gives Blaine a thumbs up, grinning from ear to ear.

***  
Kurt’s nervous. He’s usually good at hiding his nerves but today his hands are sweaty and he can’t stop his leg from shaking. 

_Why did I ever agree to this? What if it ruins our friendship?_

He is stood outside Elliot’s apartment willing himself to sum up the courage to knock on the door, before he has a chance the door burst open and Elliot greets him with a bouquet of roses. Kurt can’t help but think of Blaine when he sees them, he shakes the thought away. No thinking about Blaine, not tonight. “You look nice” Kurt smiles and he does. Elliot is wearing a dark button up shirt and black jeans that are rolled just above his ankle. “So do you, you always do actually.” Elliot smiles when he notices Kurt blushing and he gestures for him to come inside. Elliot’s apartment is small even by New York standards, but it has a cosy feel to it. Kurt makes himself comfortable on the couch, he is twirling the bouquet of flowers in his hand and admiring them. This is the second time he’s been bought flowers by a cute boy. It’s a feeling he’ll never get used to. 

“I’ve ordered Chinese food” Elliot says from the kitchen. He is pouring Kurt a glass of red wine and Kurt is vaguely remembers telling him that wine makes him feel classy one drunken night at the beginning of their first term at NYADA. “Let me put those in some water for you” Elliot says, taking the roses from Kurt and handing him the glass of wine. “Elliot this is all so-“ Kurt says looking around the apartment and just now noticing a candle lit in the corner of the room. “You didn’t have to do all this” he says.   
“I wanted to Kurt” Elliot smiles, sitting down next to him with a bottle of beer. The couch is so small Kurt’s legs are pressed up against Elliot’s, he pretends not to notice. “I was thinking, we can continue going through the musicals you haven’t seen.” Elliot rolls his eyes but he can’t help the smile that forms on his lips. “Name some more you haven’t seen” Kurt says.   
“Don’t kill me, but Grease” Elliot replies. Kurt’s mouth drops open, “how have you not seen Grease,” he moans and picks up a cushion to hit Elliot with. Elliot laughs and picks up a cushion to hit him back with. Kurt hits him with the pillow again this time messing up his hair and he tries to stifle a laugh. “Okay, not the hair” Elliot laughs, holding up his hands in defeat. Kurt drops the pillow and leans close to him before messing up his hair again and collapsing into a fit of giggles. Elliot catches his hand to try and stop him from doing it a second time, Kurt pauses and looks at him, he is leant over him and if he were any closer, he’d be on top of him. His eyes trail down to look at Elliot’s lips, he doesn’t mean to do it, but he hasn’t kissed someone since Blaine and he really wants to. Kurt presses his lips against Elliot’s, parting his mouth so he can be kissed deeper. A small whine escapes Elliot’s mouth as Kurt climbs on top of him. Elliot slides his hands around Kurt’s waist under his shirt and Kurt is pressing kisses into Elliot’s neck and across his collar bone. Kurt’s eyes are tightly shut as he moves down Elliot’s body, he is trying not to picture Blaine.

A knock on the door startles Kurt and he jumps away from Elliot, as though he is only just realising what they were doing. “Shit, the food” Elliot mumbles, zipping up his jeans and pulling his shirt back on as he goes to the door. Kurt looks dumbfounded, he shouldn’t be doing this. He grabs his coat and runs a hand through his hair trying to tidy it back up. When Elliot walks back in the room his face drops. “I’m sorry.” Kurt says and he really means it. He reaches into his pocket and digs out his wallet, leaving some money on the table, “that’s for the food,” he mumbles.  
“Kurt you don’t have to go,” Elliot replies.  
“I can’t do this to you, it’s not fair. God, I’m so sorry.”  
“Kurt it’s fine-“ Elliot is cut off by Kurt who looks as though he might burst into tears at any moment. “It’s not fine. It’s not. I like Blaine, I’m always going to like Blaine. I’m sorry.” Kurt leaves before he has the chance to cry. He feels so pathetic and selfish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly just the mention the name will schuester sort of made me want to d word.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

“Guysss,” Kurt screams, “my dad’s outside come on.” Burt had agreed to come pick up Rachel and Santana too so they could all save money on travel fares. Kurt had been awake for hours despite it only being ten in the morning. He’d spent an hour deciding on the perfect outfit, eventually settling for a white turtleneck and a black blazer, with some black skin tight jeans. He wanted to look his best, hoping it would boost his confidence for the day ahead of him. His body was fuelled with so much nervous energy he couldn’t keep still. Burt had noticed the moment Kurt had greeted him, watching him out of the corner of his eye as Kurt sat in the passenger seat continuously tapping his foot up and down. Rachel and Santana sat in the back seat, listening to music through headphones and both seemingly occupied with their own thoughts. 

“Kurt, are you okay?” Burt asked him, glancing over his shoulder to check Rachel and Santana weren’t listening.  
“Dad I’m fine” Kurt replied. He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel nervous, there had been an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach since he’d woken that morning, but mostly Kurt was excited. Excited to see all his friends back in one place again and excited to see Blaine. 

The journey went quickly and Kurt had practically fallen out the car when his dad pulled up outside their house. He wanted to unpack as quickly as possible so he could head straight to McKinley and watch the rehearsals. His dad had insisted he eat something before he left and Kurt had reluctantly agreed. 

Kurt walked behind Rachel and Santana as they strutted confidently through the halls. It had only been a year but McKinley all felt like a distant memory to Kurt now, the days of being thrown into a dumpster and relentlessly bullied felt like another lifetime ago. He’d worked so hard to put it all behind him, it was the only way he could move forwards. As they approach the choir room, they can hear people singing and laughing. Kurt’s heart drums against his chest and he takes a small breath to steady himself before pushing open the door. His eyes immediately find Blaine’s and he offers up a small smile before he, Rachel and Santana are bombarded with other students, some of whom Kurt doesn’t even know. 

Kurt takes a step back, letting Rachel preach endless stories of NYADA and life in New York to the small crowd of students who eagerly hang to every word. “Hey,” a voice says next to Kurt. Blaine is stood next to him with a smile on his face. Kurt can’t seem to tell if it is a genuine smile or not. “Hi Blaine,” he says, managing a smile back. “We’re on break, I was just about to go grab a coffee, do you want to come with me?” Blaine asks.   
“Uh sure,” Kurt replies courteously and follows Blaine out the door, no one seems to notice them leave, everyone seemingly too caught up in the excitement of McKinley alumni who are actually doing something with their lives being here.  
Kurt walks alongside Blaine down the hallway, he notices Blaine’s hands are firmly in his pockets, so there’s no chance of them brushing against Kurt’s own hand. “It’s so amazing that you actually came, really it means a lot Kurt.” Blaine says, breaking the awkward silence that was lingering between the two of them. Kurt nods with a smile, “well it’s good to see you,” he says and he really means it.   
“So how have you been?” Blaine asks. Kurt hates this. The small talk. It’s not them. He wishes they could just go back to being them. “Alright, just busy with NYADA and work really,” Kurt says.   
“Mhm I bet,” Blaine hums, his face still not breaking from a smile. Kurt stops walking, the corridor is empty with it being a Saturday so he feels safe enough that they are alone, Blaine stops too and looks at Kurt. “Are we just going to pretend that nothing has happened this entire weekend?” Kurt asks, his voice a little shaky as he speaks.   
“What’s there to talk about? “Blaine replies and Kurt rolls his eyes, getting a little frustrated.  
‘I miss you,” Kurt says and he has to fight back tears because he hates this more than not seeing Blaine, seeing him and knowing that he’s not his. “Come here,” Blaine whispers and he pulls Kurt into his arms, squeezing him for reassurance, like he always used to. Kurt nestles his head into Blaine’s shoulder, he’s missed this feeling. Blaine pulls a part first and for a second Kurt thinks he might kiss him, he glances at Blaine’s lips and leans forward, Blaine pulls away. “Kurt I can’t-“ he mumbles and takes a step back.  
“Shit sorry, I’m so sorry,” Kurt can feel his cheeks burning red and his eyes threaten to spill with tears.  
“No, it’s fine, don’t apologise. It’s just I’ve sort of been seeing someone,” Blaine says, searching Kurt’s eyes for any sort of tell on his reaction. A lump catches in his throat and Kurt wishes the ground would swallow him whole. “Oh,” is all he manages to say, his voice coming out quieter than intended. “It’s nothing serious, just a few dates,” Blaine says quickly. Kurt recomposes himself and puts on a smile for Blaine, “so who is the lucky guy?”  
“Sebastian.” Blaine replies. Kurt almost wants to laugh. Blaine has always known how he feels about Sebastian, of all people to date, this feels like a personal dig at him. “Well I’m happy for you, really.” He says through gritted teeth. Blaine smiles awkwardly and Kurt knows he can see right through him. “Is he going to be here tonight?” Kurt asks, he’s really hoping not because he doesn’t quite know how he’d manage seeing Sebastian’s smug face, because he got the guy. “Uh no, I didn’t invite him. It’s not really his thing.” Blaine shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck, a habit that betrayed his awkwardness. “Well I’m glad you invited me,” Kurt said grinning and skipped ahead of Blaine, it was his first real smile since he’d got to Lima. 

********  
Kurt collapsed into his seat at the end of the row, next to Rachel, it had been a long day full of small talk and painful fake smiles. He couldn’t way to have a drink and take the edge off his nerves. Rachel barely even noticed Kurt arrive, her attention completely focused on Quinn next to her. The auditorium was packed with students, friends and family and the sounds of people chatting and laughing were drumming hard into Kurt’s head, he just wanted this to be over now. 

As the overture began Kurt took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing mind. It was difficult to invest himself in what was happening on the stage when all he wanted to do was cry. Kurt could really see Blaine now, he’d been avoiding directly looking at him for most of the day, only stealing glances when he was sure Blaine wasn’t paying attention, but from the safety of the stalls in middle of the auditorium Kurt was able to really see him now. He looks the same as he always has, just happier and Kurt can’t help but wonder if that’s because of them ‘pressing pause’.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

“Blaine that was amazing” Kurt exclaims and he quickly pulls him into a hug before he can overthink it. “Thanks Kurt” Blaine smiles as they pull apart, their focus lingering on each other until Rachel runs over to Blaine, squealing. “You were amazing” Rachel says, linking Blaine’s arm with her own and dragging him away, “guys come on, let’s go celebrate” Rachel calls over her shoulder to Kurt, Quinn, Mercedes, Sam and Britney and Santana, who are paying more attention to each other than the others around them. Kurt exchanges an exasperated look with Mercedes and links his arm with her as they make their way through the crowds of students, trailing behind Blaine and Rachel. 

Blaine stops walking so suddenly that Kurt almost falls into him and Mercedes has to hold him up to stop him falling over. Kurt peers over Blaine’s shoulder to see what’s happening and stood in front of them is Sebastian, a bouquet of roses in his arm. “Oh my god” Kurt mumbles so quietly only Mercedes hears him, she squeezes his arm tightly for reassurance.  
“You should have invited me” Sebastian says, stepping forward and handing Blaine the flowers. “I didn’t think you’d really care” Blaine replies awkwardly, staring down at his feet.  
“Uh we’ll let you guys talk alone” Mercedes says, grabbing Kurt and walking towards the parking lot, gesturing for the others to do the same. Kurt catches Sebastian’s eye as he leaves, he shoots him a smug smile that makes Kurt shiver.  
“Kurt are you okay?” Mercedes asks, he nods in reply, he can’t manage any words right now. It was one thing knowing that Blaine was seeing other people, but seeing it himself in person made it so much more real. He diverts his attention to the others, desperately trying not to notice the way Blaine’s wrapped around Sebastian the other side of the parking lot.  
“Sebastian?” Santana scoffs, “he’s trying to make you jealous lady gay” Santana continues, “he knows how you feel about him.” Kurt shrugs as though it’s no big deal, his brain focused on keeping himself from crying in front of everyone. “Blaine’s not like that, they’ve been getting on really well” Sam chimes in and Mercedes elbows him to be quiet.  
‘It’s probably just a rebound, they’ll never last” Quinn says and shoots Kurt a smile.  
“I’m fine- it’s fine” Kurt begins but his shaky voice betrays his emotions and Quinn wraps an arm around his shoulder, Kurt leans into her as he speaks “we’ve been broken up for over a month, he’s allowed to see other people.”  
“But you still love him” Santana quips and Quinn gives her a dirty look.  
“Leave it” Quinn says, Santana holds her hands up in defence and laughs a little. They all go quiet as Blaine approaches them and Kurt wishes Santana would drop the smirk plastered across her face. “Thanks for waiting guys” Blaine mumbles apologetically, his cheeks flushed a little red. “Of course, Sebastian’s welcome to come to” Rachel says and Kurt silently prays to himself, he’s not sure he can handle a whole night of this. “No it’s alright, this is just an us thing” Blaine replies, he smiles at Kurt who pretends not to notice. 

As they walk to Rachel’s Blaine purposely keeps falling behind so he can try and talk to Kurt alone, it proves difficult with Quinn reluctantly refusing to leave Kurt’s side, he gives her a look and Quinn rolls her eyes squeezing Kurt’s arm as she runs ahead to join Rachel and the others. Blaine has to quicken his pace to keep up with Kurt who seems to be walking twice his normal speed, his eyes focused on the sidewalk as he moves. “Kurt, can you slow down” Blaine asks and Kurt huffs a sigh but slows his pace so Blaine can keep up with him.  
“I’m sorry” Blaine says and Kurt eyes him, a puzzled look on his face. He’s not really sure where this is going to go. “I didn’t know Sebastian was going to be there, sorry it was weird.” Kurt shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair.  
“It’s fine Blaine” he says through gritted teeth. He hated Blaine feeling so sorry for him, everyone feeling sorry for him. The way they all treated him like a delicate porcelain ornament that might break at any moment. Kurt takes a sharp breath and sucks in his pride, “so how did you get together?” he asks, it’s the last thing he wants to hear about but if he and Blaine are going to be friends, he needs to come to terms with it. Blaine looks at him, “we don’t have to talk about this” he says.  
“No, it’s fine, that’s what friends are for, right?” The word doesn’t quite feel right, even when they are not together, Blaine is so much more than a friend.  
“Yeah, we’ve been on a few dates, it’s nothing serious but it’s been fun”. Kurt purses his lips together and nods a little overenthusiastically. “What about you, have you been seeing anyone.” Kurt pictures Elliot, he pictures kissing him. “No, not really”. Blaine shoots him a small smile, “I’m fine with being single for a while,” Kurt says quickly, hoping Blaine can’t tell he’s lying.  
“Kurt” Blaine says, his voice quiet.  
“Yeah?” Kurt replies.  
“Thank you.” Kurt smiles at him. He knows what he means.

********

Kurt has fond memories of this place, it almost felt like old times. He distinctively remembers trying to impress Blaine whilst he was drunk out of his mind at their first house party here. The smile drops from his face at the thought. He wishes he could go back to that time, a time where he was so certain him and Blaine had a future together. Nowadays he wasn’t so sure. “Hey,” a voice breaks him from his thoughts, Quinn slides down next to Kurt, handing him a vodka soda. “Thank you,” Kurt murmurs, taking a gulp of the drink and wincing at the sour aftertaste. He wanted to forget about all of that right now, he doesn’t want to think of Blaine, or think of Blaine’s body wrapped around Sebastian’s. Right now he just wants to drink and forget everything. 

******

Blaine watches Kurt from the couch as he dances around to the music, slightly out of time with every beat. He tries to stifle a giggle when Kurt almost trips over, Quinn catches his eye and sits down next to him, a red solo cup in her hand. “You miss him” she says to Blaine over the music, practically having to shout so her voice can be heard. Blaine’s smile fades and he turns to look at Quinn, completely caught off guard by one drunk comment. “Of course I do, he’s my best friend” Blaine replies. Before either of them have the chance to say anything else Kurt is hovering in front of them, “I love this song, one of you dance with me?” Kurt whines, he slurs his words a little as he speaks and Blaine wonders how many drinks he’s had. “I might puke if I start dancing right now” Quinn mumbles and gives a knowing smirk to Blaine. “Blaineee” Kurt pleads and he tugs at the other boy’s sleeve, pulling him onto his feet. Blaine rolls his eyes but allows Kurt to drag him to the middle of the room all the same, he laughs off Quinn mouthing ‘f-r-i-e-n-d’ to him as he leaves. 

Kurt holds Blaine’s shoulders to steady himself as he dances. “This is fun,” Kurt leans forward so close to Blaine when he speaks that he can feel his warm breath on his cheek, he shivers. Kurt is grinning from ear to ear and Blaine can’t help but smile back at him, as he moves to the music. As the song starts to end a slow one begins to play, Blaine’s eyes dart over to where the music is coming from, he’s met with Santana smirking at him as she holds the phone that’s plugged into the speakers. Kurt moves his arms to Blaine shoulder’s, pulling him closer, “Kurt, what are you doing?” Blaine mumbles, looking around to check no one else is paying attention to the two of them. “Slow song” Kurt slurs as if it’s obvious, “if that’s alright?” he asks, realising what Blaine is getting at.  
“I’m not sure friends slow dance Kurt” Blaine sighs, but he doesn’t move away from Kurt’s grip. “Sure, see Quinn and Rachel are” Kurt says and gestures to the pair who are wrapped in each other’s arms now. “Okay,” Blaine says so quietly he’s not even sure Kurt hears him. He wraps his arms around Kurt’s waist, gently placing a hand on the small of his back and allows Kurt to lay his head on his shoulder. 

He’d almost forgotten just how well the two of them fit together.

As the song ends Kurt lifts his head off of Blaine’s shoulder and pulls a part from him, Blaine wishes he wouldn’t, he wishes the song would never end and he could hold Kurt this close to him forever. Kurt looks flustered and he takes a step back from Blaine, suddenly realising how close they’d been stood. “Quinn,” Kurt half-heartedly mumbles and rushes off to find her, leaving Blaine stood alone. “Wanky,” Santana laughs, “come help me with these shots Mr. Hummel” she says handing Blaine a bunch of glasses before he can protest the nickname. “What are these for?” He asks, already knowing the answer.  
“What is a shitty Lima basement house party without drinking games” Santana says and sits down in the middle of the room with a bottle of vodka in her hand, gesturing for everyone else to do the same. Blaine sits next to Kurt. Kurt lies on the floor, resting his head on Quinn’s shoulder next to him, he’s staring at the wall and Blaine can tell he’s completely spaced out and he makes a mental note to himself to check up on him later so he gets home safe. “Never have I ever or spin the bottle?” Santana asks and Blaine tries hard not to roll his eyes. “Spin the bottle,” Rachel shouts, eyeing Quinn as she does.  
“Good choice Berry, plus playing never have I ever with someone who’s never done anything remotely out of the ordinary in their entire existence doesn’t exactly make for a fun time,” Santana quips. Rachel shrugs off the comment and grabs an empty bottle from Santana, “me first,” she mumbles to herself spinning the bottle. There’s only one person Rachel Berry wanted to kiss that night and it was not Sam, whom she gave a quick peck on the lips to and sulked back to her spot in the circle. “You’re up Blaine,” Santana says and Blaine desperately tries to avoid Kurt’s eyes as he leans into the circle to spin the bottle. Kurt watches the bottle intensively from Quinn’s lap, chewing at his lip nervously. It lands on Santana and Kurt let’s out a small chuckle to himself, “no chance, spin again Blaine.” Blaine reluctantly does as Santana says and everyone goes quiet when the bottle lands on Kurt. Blaine glances at Kurt, who’s staring at the bottle with a blank face. “Wanky,” Santana mumbles and only Brittany laughs. “Kurt?” Blaine whispers and Kurt just nods so Blaine leans forward and softly kisses him on the cheek. Kurt’s body trembles when he feels Blaine’s lips against his cheek, it’s not exactly a proper kiss but it’s enough to make Kurt’s face flush crimson and he hopes no one else notices. “Pathetic” Santana shouts and moves on to the next person. Blaine leans down close next to Kurt so he can whisper to him without other people listening, “sorry about that.”  
“mm it’s fine Blaine, just a game” Kurt hums and smiles at him.  
“Just a game” Blaine reaffirms and runs a hand through his curls to calm himself down.

******

After the game thankfully comes to an end, people begin leaving. Blaine pretends not to notice how Quinn and Rachel have seemingly disappeared from Rachel’s own party. Kurt is lying on the couch humming to himself, he must have had at least three more drinks during the game and Blaine wonders how he can stomach it all. “Blaine” Mercedes calls out and stumbles towards him laughing, “Sam and I are going, walking don’t worry, shall we take Kurt or-“ Blaine knows what she’s trying to ask.  
“I’ll make sure he gets home safe, don’t worry about it, have fun.” Blaine says and looks down at Kurt who is blissfully unaware of his surroundings and has moved on from humming to quietly singing to himself.  
“Kurt, we need to get you home,” Kurt slowly sits up from the couch and blinks around at Rachel’s now empty basement, “oh” is all he says as he stands up and Blaine reaches out to hold him he looks so unsteady, placing an arm around him so Kurt can lean on him as he walks. Kurt giggles to himself as they move upstairs, “what’s so funny?” Blaine asks, still concentrating on Kurt’s feet so he doesn’t trip himself up. “I feel like Bambi” Kurt laughs more now. “What?” Blaine asks.  
“Bambi, when he’s learning to walk and he’s on that ice” Kurt mumbles and Blaine’s laughing too now, “let’s just get you home in one piece.”  
“Shit” Kurt says.  
“What’s wrong?” Blaine asks.  
“I can’t go home like this; my dad will kill me” Kurt looks flustered now.  
“Kurt, you’re nineteen, he’s not going to care” Blaine laughs a little as he says it.  
“No he’s never seen me this drunk Blaine” he whines.  
“My place okay then?” Blaine asks and Kurt nods.  
“Can you make sure you text my dad, so he knows I’m safe?”  
“Sure Kurt.” Blaine flicks through his phone and types out a message so he doesn’t forget. 

They finally make it outside of Rachel’s house and Blaine can feel Kurt exhale against him. They stand there for a moment looking up at the night, “it’s pretty” Kurt whispers to himself and Blaine smiles. This whole situation was all too familiar to him, maybe not the completely wasted Kurt, but the evening walks in Lima with him were something he’d really missed when Kurt had left for New York. “God it’s cold Blaine” Kurt moans, breaking Blaine from his thoughts. Kurt’s only wearing a thin sweater and Blaine instinctively hands him his jacket, he has to guide Kurt’s arms into the sleeves because he keeps missing. “Still cold” Kurt mumbles as they slowly begin their walk, “you’re so needy when you’re drunk” Blaine laughs and pulls his arm tighter around Kurt, who nestles his head onto Blaine’s shoulder as they walk. 

When they finally make it to Blaine and Sam’s apartment, Kurt looks as though he might collapse, which Blaine thinks is him being dramatic as he practically dragged him most of the way. “God I really hope Sam went to Mercedes’ to hook up” Blaine mumbles as he unlocks the door, Kurt looks at him oddly, he hadn’t noticed them flirting with each other all night. To Blaine’s relief the apartment is empty, he makes his way to the bathroom and goes to dig out some pyjamas for himself and Kurt to wear. Kurt drags himself to Blaine’s room and flops into the bed, relieved to be lay down, his head spinning. Blaine looks at him in the doorway, not quite sure what to do. “Uh I can go in Sam’s bed if you want?” he mumbles awkwardly.  
“Stay with me?” Kurt whispers, “if you want?” Blaine nods and climbs into bed next to Kurt, making sure to keep his distance. They lie quietly together in the dark, Kurt is looking thoughtfully up at the ceiling and Blaine wishes so badly he would share what he’s thinking. Kurt shifts closer to him, “do you mind if-“ Kurt starts but his voice trails off.  
“What is it Kurt?” Blaine says.  
“Can we cuddle?” Kurt whispers and Blaine’s chest fills with butterflies at the thought. “As friends” Kurt quickly adds and without another words Blaine opens his arms out and Kurt scoots close into him, laying his head on Blaine’s chest, so his hair pokes at Blaine’s chin every time he moves. Blaine runs a hand through Kurt’s hair, the way he’s done a thousand times before and listens to his breathing steady until Kurt falls asleep in his arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Kurt had left quickly the next morning without saying much. He was going back to New York tonight and had said he wanted to spend as much time as possible with his dad before he left. Blaine was sure this was partially true but wondered if it was also just an excuse to leave quickly. He wasn’t sure when he’d next get to see Kurt, probably Christmas. 

The very thought of Christmas plans made Blaine’s stomach tense and filled him with dread. He loved the concept of spending time with loved ones and sharing gifts, but the reality of spending time with his family was not one he loved. He craved a close parental relationship; it was probably the reason he’d gotten on so well with Burt. Sometimes he envied Kurt for the relationship he and Burt had, he would give anything to have a parent who loved him, supported him and accepted him. His parents knew he was gay, but they made it very clear to him that they didn’t support it. The night he’d come out to them he ended up sleeping at a friend’s house just to get away from his father’s shouting. He remembers his mother watching him quietly, she never said a word, didn’t even acknowledge it. That had hurt him more than the homophobic comments from his father. He desperately hoped she would acknowledge it, acknowledge him. But she never did, it’s as though his whole family had permanently given up on him that day. 

As soon as Blaine had turned eighteen, he moved out and into his small Lima apartment. It was good for him. He needed his own place away from his parents and now he only saw them occasionally in the holidays, when he felt obligated. Blaine had been grateful when Sam moved in, not only to help spread the cost, but living by himself had been lonely and it was nice to have someone else around, even if Sam did keep him awake with his constant video games. Blaine didn’t mind at all.

The door opened and snapped Blaine out of his thoughts. Sam walked in, still wearing yesterday’s clothes and hair sticking up in every direction. He rubbed his eyes and stretched as he walked in, dropping his coat on the floor and kicking his shoes off. 

“So, you and Mercedes?” Blaine asked from his own bed. Sam collapsed down next to him, lying on his stomach.

“Huh?” Sam replied.

“Well I know you didn’t’ spend the night here Sam.”

“Oh yeah,” Sam said, trying to hold back a yawn, “nothing happened, we just talked all night.”

“Oh?” Blaine raised an eyebrow and Sam rolled his eyes.

“PlayStation?” Sam mumbled, shifting himself upright. 

Blaine grabbed the controllers with a grin, video games were definitely a hobby he’d picked up from Sam, he didn’t particular enjoy playing them alone but when they were together it was fun, despite Sam always beating him.

“Um Blaine, why is Kurt’s sweater in your bed,”

Blaine’s eyes darted to the sweater Sam was holding up and he reached over and grabbed it from Sam’s grip.

“He must have left it here,” Blaine mumbled, folding it neatly.

“Dude I figured, but why was he here?” Sam asked.

“He was too drunk to go home or something,” Blaine started before realising what Sam was really asking. “Nothing happened either,” Blaine said quickly.

“Good because however much I hate the guy; you can’t do that to Sebastian.”

“Sam I wouldn’t cheat,”

“No, I know – but this is Kurt we’re talking about here. I’m pretty certain you’ve referred to him as your soulmate before.”

“He is – he was. I don’t know anymore,” Blaine sighed, “we’re just friends.”

“I don’t know many friends who slow dance together at house parties,” Sam mumbled under his breath. 

Blaine opened his mouth to speak but he wasn’t sure what to say. Sam was right. He shouldn’t have danced with Kurt.

“Dude I just think you need to be honest with yourself, you still like him it’s obvious and Sebastian-“Sam started but Blaine cut him off.

“I like Sebastian,” Blaine replied quickly.

“But you like Kurt more.” 

“Let’s just play,” Blaine said, directing his attention to the screen.

They were only ten minutes into their game when they were interrupted by Blaine’s phone ringing, Sam rolled his eyes at Blaine as he paused the game. 

“Sebastian,” Blaine greeted, trying to swallow the disappointment he felt when he realised it wasn’t Kurt calling him. 

Sam groaned and dropped his controller; they wouldn’t be continuing the game any time soon. Blaine put his hand up to gesture Sam to be quiet.

“Yeah, come over now. It’s just me and Sam,” Blaine eyed Sam as he spoke and mouthed the word ‘s-o-r-r-y’.

Sam never tried to hide his disdain for Sebastian. In fact, when Blaine had told him they’d started dating he’d confronted him about it, saying he couldn’t date someone else if he still had feelings for Kurt. Blaine wasn’t able to deny it either.

When most people break up their friendship is filled with animosity and turmoil, but it’s not that simple with Kurt, because they didn’t want to break up, not really. It was the distance that tested their relationship not their love and their devotion to one another and that’s what made it so difficult for Blaine to move on. Seeing Kurt again this weekend had just been a welcome reminder of his feelings, they’d never gone anywhere, and Blaine hopes it will always be that way.

By the time Blaine has finished on the phone Sam has already switched off the console, despite being mid-game.

“You know, I would hide that before Sebastian gets here,” Sam mumbles as he leaves the room. Blaine looks down at Kurt’s neatly folded sweater and has to swallow a lump in his throat.

********

When Sebastian arrives, Sam shuts himself in his room, barely even saying hi to the other boy before slamming his bedroom door closed behind him.

“He still doesn’t like me huh?” Sebastian chuckles, making himself comfortable on the couch next to Blaine.

“Of course he likes you-“Blaine starts, but Sebastian interrupts him before he can even finish his sentence.

“It’s fine Blaine, I don’t care. He liked Kurt, so he’s never going to like me. ” 

Blaine eyes the other boy curiously. Kurt would have absolutely cared if Blaine’s best friend didn’t like him. Not that Kurt ever had anything to worry about because he and Sam had always been so close. 

_Why doesn’t Sebastian care? Stop comparing them Blaine._

“Speaking of Kurt,” Blaine froze, where was he going with this? “How was seeing him? You hadn’t seen each other since he dumped you right?” 

“He didn’t dump me, but it was fine. We’re fine, we’re good actually. Still friends, you know.” 

“It’s probably just more of a convenience thing,” Sebastian said, he looked at Blaine as he spoke, searching for some sort of reaction to his words. 

Blaine kept his composure, Sebastian liked to wind him up, especially when it came to Kurt. The two had always hated each other from the moment they first met in the Lima Bean all those years ago.

“A convenience thing?” Blaine asked.

“Don’t tell me you thought that you and Kurt were actually friends,” Sebastian laughed. “How could he not pretend to still be friends with you, he’s not an idiot Blaine, he knows he’s going to keep bumping into you. He’s just being polite.” Sebastian took a sip of the coffee he'd picked up on his way over and watched as Blaine's face dropped a little.

"Hey come here," Sebastian said and pulled Blaine close to him. Blaine lay his head on Sebastian's shoulder and tried to fight back tears. He couldn't think of anything worse than the idea of Kurt hating him.

"I really thought we were fine," Blaine said, his voice coming out choked. 

Sebastian ran his hand up and down Blaine's back, "it happens to the best of us Blaine."

********

The evening with Sebastian had passed by slowly, every minute had felt like an hour to Blaine. His thoughts still lingering on their conversation about Kurt. When Sebastian had finally suggested that he go home Blaine didn’t object. If it had been any other night, he might have offered him to stay over, but tonight was different and Blaine just wanted to be alone.

As the front door clicked shut the emotions that Blaine had been holding back all night came flooding out of him and he didn’t bother trying to hide it. Sam tentatively opened his bedroom door and glanced at Blaine, with a concerned expression on his face.

“Dude-“

“I don’t want to talk about it, can we just watch something?”

“Of course,” Sam replied and sat down next to Blaine, offering him a chip from the half-opened bag. 

Sam turned on some re-runs of that 70s show without even asking Blaine, knowing that it always cheered him up. They sat in silence together, the only noises coming from the TV and Sam loudly making his way through the rest of the bag of chips. When Blaine’s phone buzzed from his pocket it made both of them jump a little. Sam glanced over at his screen, trying to get a glimpse of who Blaine was texting. 

_Kurt: hii, just letting you know i’m home safe, like i promised_  
_Blaine: i’m glad Kurt:)_  
_Kurt: also u wanted to thank you for looking after me that night at the party, you didn’t have to_  
_Blaine: no worries, i would do that for anyone_  
_Kurt: well thank you anyways blaine, love you!_  
_Blaine: love you too kurt <3_

“I’m going to break up with him," Blaine said, without even looking up from his phone.

“Huh?” Sam replied, with a mouth full of chips.

“Sebastian, I’m going to break up with him.”


End file.
